Potato Taya/

This is my buddy. My friend, my ho-bag and likely my other half.
She used to live in Utah. But we dont talk about that, because that was a sad time, when we werent nearly BFFS.
She took me to her lake, to sit and chat on a warm day.
She took me to Mcdonalds on vacation, when we "snuck" out with the parentals knowledge.
We order pizza to my front lawn at midnight, so the parentals dont wake up and get disturbed.
We make fun of people, their douchebag boyfriends,and the lives they are living.
We played with waterballoons and they became my children during family reunions.
We go to awkward family reunions, and laugh about silly stuff.
I dont have a crush on her twin, which is probably why we became BFFs.
This is my buddy, my pal, the beast, the best.
I love her. My cousin, slash sister, slash I am just really glad she lives here now.

Response. Aka. the man in dreams

So there's a guy out there. Who doesnt stand a girl up, and doesnt care that her hair's in a ponytail. Who brings her chicken noodle soup when she is sick. He's tall. But not too tall. Tall enough for his chin to rest on my forhead when he embraces me. Not just hugs, not just greetings but embraces.
He has curly dark hair in my dreams. The kind with not to much gel, not too much care, just naturally attractive. And eyes that can stare back at me, and not feel awkward, and feel so at home. They can be blue, or brown. No awkward green. Haha.
He won't have a sculpted body, not overweight either. The kind of guy who is comfortable with himself,and will not feel the need to spend everyday at the gym.
The kind of guy who can hold a conversation with my parents, and know that he is liked.
He will have a smile that tells a story. Not the perfect, i had braces for a zillion years smile, but the kind that has character. That says, I smile and laugh, and want to smile and laugh with you.
He will have muscly forearms from all the practicing on piano. I will put my hand on his arm to say hello, and feel the strength beneath my own hands.
He will love me for me. Not for who I can become but who I am now. He will hopefully love me now, and will still accept who I become as we grow together.
But man, I am not holding my breath. I'm still young. And he's still far away.

Change..Moving on?

So tonight, choir started again. And I wasn't there.
I feel awkward, and sad and weird. And nothing good.
I don't like the idea of having a zillion kids from my school there.
Choir was my thing, away from school, with all MY friends. And to have to share would have been weird. But not as weird as not being there at all.
I miss everything.
I dont have friends like that at school. I have a few very good friends, but no big sisters or brothers anymore. I am the old one at school, the 'seniors'. Its nice, but I miss the graduates, I miss what was.
School has changed, There is no choir, and this is all super weird.
Change isn't good.

Youtube Jerk.

So I was in a pretty bad mood today.
I'm not sure what put me into the mood. I tried to make plans with a couple of different friends and they were all busy.
Then tonight I was listening to music on youtube, because thats the cheap way to have music on your computer, and I came across this pretentious prick who was critiquing my choir, and was saying that....

" There is a difference between moving with emotion and becoming distracting and sticking out from the rest of the choir. If people are doing something that makes the audience notice them as a single person it defeats the entire purpose of a choir."

I was the girl moving my hand to the beat for a song or two. Which clearly offended this person. So I guess I was defeating the purpose of a choir all together for 3 years. Thanks jerk. You made my night.

My weirdo's.

This is my family. I am learning that over time, friends will fade, or move, or what have you, but My Family will always be there. I have gone through a weird transition this year, but I know they're are always there.
I might only get along with Austin REALLY late at night, when neither of us feel like going to bed, but I love the kid. We have eachothers backs. We talk. I might not know everything, but I can talk to him when I want to. We might get on eachothers nerves, but I would give my innards for the guy anyday.

My mom has been on my nerves lately, not letting me go back in choir. But I have realized she does it out of love, and she cares for me alot. I know she just wants what's best, it just might take a magnifine glass to see it through my attitude. She loves us, and I her. I would be lost without her.

And dad, the strong one. The one who keeps us together, and is the support we need. But he's also the one to conjure the most laughs. Especially with his infamous pedestrian scare tactics.
He is weird, likes vampire movies, and fish (which are disguisting) but he's a pretty cool guy too.

I really love my family, our weird quirks, and our love. We laugh, we cry, we mourn, we rejoice. We act like idiots, and have very few dinner manners, but we are an interesting group. I wouldn't trade this group of weirdo's for anything. They are my family, and my friends.

Free time in AGA.

So I am taking a new class in school called Applied Graphic Arts. There is a new person like EVERYDAY, so we are never going to get done this project. Shit.
Anyways, I have finished like 300 days ago, which is special.. so now we wait for everyone else to finish. So I have lots of extra time. Which is ok I guess?
Anyways, you should expect some new blogs, because I have lots of free time.

Mom.

So here it is. The awful truth.

My life is mostly a rollercoaster. I have good things happen. Even great things happen.
And then there are days like today.
Today, I went to go be a good daughter, and cheer my mom on, in something that was clearly something huge for her. She walked today, in the winners walk of hope. Its a 5km walk raising money for ovarian cancer. She met survivors, she met sisters in the fight, and she met families of those who have passed from this silent killer.

I hate seeing her like this. She is sick. She is tired,sore, and hurt. She puts on a smile for everyone. She is so strong- most days. She puts on a fighting face, and its really incredible. Its convincing to most. But I know her. I've lived with her my entire life, I really KNOW her. She cries, silently, when she thinks no one is watching. She takes it so well, coping with everything this world has shoved in her face. She pretends that this disease doesnt scare the shit out of her. So do the rest of us. But I am terrified.

My mom is my hero. She is one of the strongest people I know. She has gone through so much, and is so incredible. She makes me mad, she makes me smile, its all part of growing up. I dont want to grow up without her. I refuse to think that she wont survive this.
Our family has gone through enough.
If there was a God, he would make our lives suck less. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
If karma existed, our lives would be alright. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
I dont know what will make her better. This stuff makes me have less faith in the world.
I love her so much.