Three things that make me smile:
1) Puddles. Which means rain, and the amazing smell rain has. The fresh, yet old familiar smell of rain. The puddles on the ground that form, that you can splash in gumboots, or drive through, and laugh hysterically when you "accidentally" hit a pedestrian walking by. The childlike emotion of excitement during the rain. Dancing in the rain, and splashing in the puddles. And, the way "puddle" sounds. What a fantastic word.
2) My Dog Nog. His brown curly hair, and his funny wagging tail. The way he throws his head back when he barks, and sounds so excited to have me home. The way he greets me at the door, and needs to tell me all about his day. I love the way he stands on his back legs, and dances. He spins in circles balancing on his hind legs, and it is great. He cuddles me at night, and more often than not, decides to take up most of the space on my pillow, sometimes resorting to the room on my pillow which I refer to as my head. He reads with my at night, and prefers the girly books the best. His favourite right now is the Shopaholic series. He also likes to read emails with me. He sits on my lap most of the time. He likes pop, and gets shaky excited over rootbeer, which is clearly his favourite. I love nog, he is friendly, and cute, and everyone else thinks he stinks like shit, but I love him. And I think love masks the smell.
3) My piano. It has a gazzilion keys (I counted) and they have the greatest feel to them. It is such a different piano from others I have played before. It has a weird deep sound to it, but still sounds like a "normal" piano. I have spent some of my happiest, and my saddest moments at this piano. I play and I feel free from whatever is happening at the moment. And I always leave the piano bench feeling good. Even if it takes a few hours to feel better, or satisfied, I wait.
Three things I could live without:
1) Blarg. Fast food. It is my arch nemisis. It makes my stomach so upset, but it tastes so good when I eat it. What a terrible way to go. Its no good for calories, and for all that other unhealthy jazz, but worst for my stomach and the rest of my digestive system.
2) curly hair. Man I wish my hair was straight. Straightening is so much a waste of time.
3) Spicy food. I like food with spices, that has flavour, and i can feel my tongue the next day. plain and simple.
Three of my fears:
1) Tornadoes. They pretty much sound like the scariest thing ever. The wind, and the rain, and the thunder. The power one holds to destroy a home in seconds terrifies me. Everything I love and have known my whole life could be gone.
2) Birds/ flying objects. The flying things that fly and are unpredictable. Aka birds, butterflies, dragonflies, wasps, bees, and flying sorcerors.
3) Being on my death bed, not feeling a sense of completion, like I haven’t finished living. Like I could have done more.
Three of my accomplishments:
1) I achieved my goal to sing in the most incredible choir. It has given me so much. It has made me grow, and learn. I have met some pretty incredible people over my lifetime, alot to be credited towards this choir. I met my first love, I met conductors, and musicians, and composers that inspire me everyday. I have made friends, and some not-so-friendly people. I have learned to sing, learned to harmonize, and learn how to be me. I feel so at home at choir, with the ups and downs. It might not be my favourite place all the time, and I complain about how hard it is, or the silly drama any group has, but this is my place. My place to make friends, to share music, to share love, and to be like a second family. Its my place to ask for help, for comfort, or for a hand to hold. Its my place. And it took me many years to learn enough to get in, and to also get old enough to get in. And I DID IT!!!
2) I travelled to Africa, all on my own. I stayed with a family, but I did something that scared the living hell out of me- all on my own. I flew in a plane by myself, I sat in airports by myself. I made my own friends, took my own classes, and worked. I had the best time of my life. I wanted to do something that was scary and new. I wanted to be challenged, and to rely on myself, to know that I could do it. And guess what... I DID IT!!!
3) I made it to grade 12. Enough said. What a ridiculous journey. Barf.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
3 quotes.
If I were to pick 3 quotes on how my last few days have gone, these would be it. All from the old days of grey's anatomy, when dead people dont haunt the characters, and interns dont do surgery on themselves. These were the good old days, to help me through today.
"I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."
"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... We just dont know what to do with."
"I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."
"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."
"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we're made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines... We just dont know what to do with."
Saturday, November 8, 2008
bored on saturday afternoon.
1.Spell your name without an E,R,S,H,K,I,M,L,C,A,Y,N:
T J
2. Are you single?
YES.
3.What is your favorite number?
7 is pretty good.
4.What is your favorite color?
Green
5.Least favorite color?
Orange.
6.What are you listening to?
The commercials between Jon and Kate plus 8.
7.Are you happy with your life right now?
I'm decently happy. Could be worse, could be better.
8.Are you involved with anyone?
Involved romantically? No. Crushing innocently..yes.
9.What is your favorite subject in school/ college?
I like band.
10.Do you shop at Abercrombie?
No. its dark inside, you cant see the clothes, it smells like ass, and it is loud as hell.
11.Do you have money?
I have some cash downstairs.
12.Would you take an ex back?
No. You clearly broke up for a reason, why go through it again.
14.Are you gay?
Nope.
15.Where do you wish you were right now?
Having a nap/
16.What should you be doing right now?
Vaccuuming.
THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?
With gum? yes. With spit? Yes. I am attractive, I know.
Can you do a cart wheel?
I'm too old for that. My bones would break. But back in the day, I definitely could
Can you touch your toes?
Yes. Really well.
Can you wiggle your ears?
Very subtly.
Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
ew. no.
THE DIDs:
Did you ever want to be a doctor?
Not overly. Although grey's anatomy is inspiring..
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
Nope. I used to freak if mom tried to have candles at the dinner table. Like wouldnt eat.
Did you ever want to be a teacher?
Yes. Everyday.
THE DOs:
Do you like rollercoasters?
Not even a little. Why put such stess on my little heart?
Do you own a bike?
Nadda.
Do you play the lotto?
No.
Do you like football?
Not overly. Games are fun to go to, and not watch on tv. its the atmosphere.
Do you have a shopping addiction?
Some might say....
THE DOES:
Does your family have family picnics?
We like to roast hotdogs sometimes. That might count.
Does you wallet have any pics in it?
Only ID pics. I should carry one of nog.
Does a soft answer turn away wrath?
WTF.
THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?
Nicole. I went out, and didnt finish my room. Its the last hang out for a while. Lets not talk about it.
Last car ride?
Last night, I got a ride home.
Last text message?
I just texted taya.
Last baby you held?
Molly. Like a month ago. She hates me,.
LAST THING?
What was the last thing you bought?
uhh. lunch. A veggie sandwich and creamy veg soup.
What was the last thing you had to drink?
water.
What was the last thing you watched?
Jon and Kate plus 8 just ended.
What was the last thing you read?
Uhh.. The last lecture. Or my math text book.
What was the last thing you hand wrote?
holy man. I cant remember. Its been a few days.
THE WHOS:
Who last talked to you on the phone?
I tried to call taya. she is in a movie.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Nog. Hes a star.
Last person to leave you a comment?
Kristina Ketsa
Who do you miss right now?
Nog. He's sitting on he couch, and not my lap.
Who last hugged you?
Nog.
Who last IM'd you?
Dear god, i have no idea.
CURRENTLY:
What color shirt are you wearing?
Brown.
Have any tattoos?
Nope One day/
Have you any piercings?
yes. nose. ears.
Straight hair or curly?
I have curly death.
Where are you?
Den
HAVE YOU EVER:
Failed a class?
Uhh, lets not talk about chem 30 ok?
Confessed your love and been turned down?
Not immidiately, it took a few months of lying first.
Accomplished a life goal?
Yes.
Thought you were pregnant?
NEVER.
Sang in front of a crowd?
tons of times with my choirs.
SIX THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:
1. My pillow.
2. MANY SHOES
3. clothes on the floor
4. Nog
5. my bed
6. Math deathbooks.
--------------------------
3. Wanna get married?
perhaps/
FOUR THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. Popcorn
2. Sleep
3. Food
4. My butt going numb..
The way to win your heart?
be genuine and loving. honest. open. FUNNY sarcastic.
When was the last time you really laughed?
I really laugh all the time. I went to band camp.
Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
I sure have. Why waste a glass if all you want is a sip?
Who knows a big secret about you?
I dotn have many BIG ones. But if I did, my close friends would likely know.
How long is your hair?
just passing my shoulders
Who was the last person who told you they loved you?
MY momma.
When was the last time you sang out loud?
Listening to the radio.
What did you have for breakfast??
WAFFLES. i made them all on my own, and didnt burn them, and then noone wanted them. so there are lots in my fridge.
Is your birthday on a holiday?
Yes. I was born on good friday, and every year its during spring break.
What instant messaging service do you use?
MSN,but i NEVER use it.
Are you signed on it right now and if so, who are you talking to?
no and no
Can you cook?
that is debatable.I like mac and cheese, and brocolli chicken. AKA yes.
Did you have a nap today??
I wish.
What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans
When is your birthday?
MArch 29.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
one from Gap.
Do you have any regrets?
don't we all? they are good life learning experiences though.
Do you use an alarm clock?
Baha no. My mommmy wakes me up..
Whats the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
shoes.eyes. hair.
What color is your favorite shoe?
brown.
Who would you like to see right now?
Taya.
Are you a social or antisocial person?
I like being social with my friends.
Have the cops ever come to your house?
Yep. a multitude of times. for reasons that show i am no criminal.
Do you have a tan?
people often use the words "white" "pasty" to describe my skin color.
Would you rather sleep in the bed with someone, or alone??
I like to sleep diagonally. So alone. in a huge bed.
Are you afraid of the dark?
a little.
Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
No.
What's your favorite commercial at the moment?
I love the one for Telus with the meercats with that song from LOTR. They always play it at the theatre.
Do you always wear your seat belt?
Always. I don't want to fly through the wind sheild.
Who was the last person to disappoint you?
The boys at band camp.
Do you know what you want to do with your life?
parts of it, yes. :)
How is life going for you right now?
Pretty good. Could be better could be worse.
Do you like American Idol?
the auditions are the only good part of that show.
How do you feel about piercings and tattoos?
I like when they are tasteful.
Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
Yes.Sometimes. bad things happen to good people though. all the time.
What is your favorite fruit?
I love strawberries at room temp. Not overly cold.
Does anyone love you?
My fam.
Where is one place you want to visit?
. I want to go back to Africa again. I hope we go to Greece.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. How else do you get into your house when you are locked out?
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I am a total night hawk.
Are you a forgiving person?
Sometimes too much of a forgiving person. Sometimes I hold a grudge.
What are you listening to right now?
Commercials.
Who was the last person to smoke a cig in your presence?
not sure?its been a while i hate it. BARF.
Are you taller than 5'6?
Yes, I am 5'8ish.
T J
2. Are you single?
YES.
3.What is your favorite number?
7 is pretty good.
4.What is your favorite color?
Green
5.Least favorite color?
Orange.
6.What are you listening to?
The commercials between Jon and Kate plus 8.
7.Are you happy with your life right now?
I'm decently happy. Could be worse, could be better.
8.Are you involved with anyone?
Involved romantically? No. Crushing innocently..yes.
9.What is your favorite subject in school/ college?
I like band.
10.Do you shop at Abercrombie?
No. its dark inside, you cant see the clothes, it smells like ass, and it is loud as hell.
11.Do you have money?
I have some cash downstairs.
12.Would you take an ex back?
No. You clearly broke up for a reason, why go through it again.
14.Are you gay?
Nope.
15.Where do you wish you were right now?
Having a nap/
16.What should you be doing right now?
Vaccuuming.
THE CANS:
Can you blow a bubble?
With gum? yes. With spit? Yes. I am attractive, I know.
Can you do a cart wheel?
I'm too old for that. My bones would break. But back in the day, I definitely could
Can you touch your toes?
Yes. Really well.
Can you wiggle your ears?
Very subtly.
Can you touch your tongue to your nose?
ew. no.
THE DIDs:
Did you ever want to be a doctor?
Not overly. Although grey's anatomy is inspiring..
Did you ever want to be a fire fighter?
Nope. I used to freak if mom tried to have candles at the dinner table. Like wouldnt eat.
Did you ever want to be a teacher?
Yes. Everyday.
THE DOs:
Do you like rollercoasters?
Not even a little. Why put such stess on my little heart?
Do you own a bike?
Nadda.
Do you play the lotto?
No.
Do you like football?
Not overly. Games are fun to go to, and not watch on tv. its the atmosphere.
Do you have a shopping addiction?
Some might say....
THE DOES:
Does your family have family picnics?
We like to roast hotdogs sometimes. That might count.
Does you wallet have any pics in it?
Only ID pics. I should carry one of nog.
Does a soft answer turn away wrath?
WTF.
THE LASTS:
Last person you hung out with?
Nicole. I went out, and didnt finish my room. Its the last hang out for a while. Lets not talk about it.
Last car ride?
Last night, I got a ride home.
Last text message?
I just texted taya.
Last baby you held?
Molly. Like a month ago. She hates me,.
LAST THING?
What was the last thing you bought?
uhh. lunch. A veggie sandwich and creamy veg soup.
What was the last thing you had to drink?
water.
What was the last thing you watched?
Jon and Kate plus 8 just ended.
What was the last thing you read?
Uhh.. The last lecture. Or my math text book.
What was the last thing you hand wrote?
holy man. I cant remember. Its been a few days.
THE WHOS:
Who last talked to you on the phone?
I tried to call taya. she is in a movie.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Nog. Hes a star.
Last person to leave you a comment?
Kristina Ketsa
Who do you miss right now?
Nog. He's sitting on he couch, and not my lap.
Who last hugged you?
Nog.
Who last IM'd you?
Dear god, i have no idea.
CURRENTLY:
What color shirt are you wearing?
Brown.
Have any tattoos?
Nope One day/
Have you any piercings?
yes. nose. ears.
Straight hair or curly?
I have curly death.
Where are you?
Den
HAVE YOU EVER:
Failed a class?
Uhh, lets not talk about chem 30 ok?
Confessed your love and been turned down?
Not immidiately, it took a few months of lying first.
Accomplished a life goal?
Yes.
Thought you were pregnant?
NEVER.
Sang in front of a crowd?
tons of times with my choirs.
SIX THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:
1. My pillow.
2. MANY SHOES
3. clothes on the floor
4. Nog
5. my bed
6. Math deathbooks.
--------------------------
3. Wanna get married?
perhaps/
FOUR THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. Popcorn
2. Sleep
3. Food
4. My butt going numb..
The way to win your heart?
be genuine and loving. honest. open. FUNNY sarcastic.
When was the last time you really laughed?
I really laugh all the time. I went to band camp.
Do you drink milk straight from the carton?
I sure have. Why waste a glass if all you want is a sip?
Who knows a big secret about you?
I dotn have many BIG ones. But if I did, my close friends would likely know.
How long is your hair?
just passing my shoulders
Who was the last person who told you they loved you?
MY momma.
When was the last time you sang out loud?
Listening to the radio.
What did you have for breakfast??
WAFFLES. i made them all on my own, and didnt burn them, and then noone wanted them. so there are lots in my fridge.
Is your birthday on a holiday?
Yes. I was born on good friday, and every year its during spring break.
What instant messaging service do you use?
MSN,but i NEVER use it.
Are you signed on it right now and if so, who are you talking to?
no and no
Can you cook?
that is debatable.I like mac and cheese, and brocolli chicken. AKA yes.
Did you have a nap today??
I wish.
What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans
When is your birthday?
MArch 29.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
one from Gap.
Do you have any regrets?
don't we all? they are good life learning experiences though.
Do you use an alarm clock?
Baha no. My mommmy wakes me up..
Whats the first thing you notice of the opposite sex?
shoes.eyes. hair.
What color is your favorite shoe?
brown.
Who would you like to see right now?
Taya.
Are you a social or antisocial person?
I like being social with my friends.
Have the cops ever come to your house?
Yep. a multitude of times. for reasons that show i am no criminal.
Do you have a tan?
people often use the words "white" "pasty" to describe my skin color.
Would you rather sleep in the bed with someone, or alone??
I like to sleep diagonally. So alone. in a huge bed.
Are you afraid of the dark?
a little.
Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
No.
What's your favorite commercial at the moment?
I love the one for Telus with the meercats with that song from LOTR. They always play it at the theatre.
Do you always wear your seat belt?
Always. I don't want to fly through the wind sheild.
Who was the last person to disappoint you?
The boys at band camp.
Do you know what you want to do with your life?
parts of it, yes. :)
How is life going for you right now?
Pretty good. Could be better could be worse.
Do you like American Idol?
the auditions are the only good part of that show.
How do you feel about piercings and tattoos?
I like when they are tasteful.
Do you believe that what comes around goes around?
Yes.Sometimes. bad things happen to good people though. all the time.
What is your favorite fruit?
I love strawberries at room temp. Not overly cold.
Does anyone love you?
My fam.
Where is one place you want to visit?
. I want to go back to Africa again. I hope we go to Greece.
Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes. How else do you get into your house when you are locked out?
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I am a total night hawk.
Are you a forgiving person?
Sometimes too much of a forgiving person. Sometimes I hold a grudge.
What are you listening to right now?
Commercials.
Who was the last person to smoke a cig in your presence?
not sure?its been a while i hate it. BARF.
Are you taller than 5'6?
Yes, I am 5'8ish.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
This week.
this week w
e went for our choir retreat. It was REALLY fun. We got there, and had some workshops with these really awesome-or really not so awesome people. We worked on breathing, and african music and then a song to sing as mass. I learned so much.
And then there was the bonding. I had some pretty interesting conversations. I learned alot about new people, and played games, and laughed until it hurt. We stayed up way to late with our cheerios and shared beds for warmth. It was a blast. .
Then I had a day to catch up on some sleep, and then headed off to do it all again for the Alberta Honour Choir. I am so grateful for the experience. I learned so much from our conductor, Dr. Adam Kon. We rehearsed for hours on end, and then laughed and made friends to no end. I made friends, and sang my brains out, and helped others, and got help from others.
e went for our choir retreat. It was REALLY fun. We got there, and had some workshops with these really awesome-or really not so awesome people. We worked on breathing, and african music and then a song to sing as mass. I learned so much.And then there was the bonding. I had some pretty interesting conversations. I learned alot about new people, and played games, and laughed until it hurt. We stayed up way to late with our cheerios and shared beds for warmth. It was a blast. .
Then I had a day to catch up on some sleep, and then headed off to do it all again for the Alberta Honour Choir. I am so grateful for the experience. I learned so much from our conductor, Dr. Adam Kon. We rehearsed for hours on end, and then laughed and made friends to no end. I made friends, and sang my brains out, and helped others, and got help from others.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Elam
I MISS THIS GIRL EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE. EVERY SINGLE DAY.I had a conversation with someone the other day, that was one that makes you think hardcore.
We spoke about my time in Africa. And Elam. This beautiful little girl who changed my life. Who makes me want to be a better person. I miss her smile, her hugs, and the exclaimation " Canada Kati" every morning. She is on the other side of the world. I love her so much.
I realized one of the reasons I can't make up my mind about next year. My next year plan, and the years to follow. I want to go back to africa, but at the same time the idea terrifies me. I have learned that I am entirely terrified of the idea that this little one, who I love with my entire heart, could not remember me by the time I return.
Elam, you are so far away from me, and so close to me at the same time. I think about you everyday, and returning to you one day. Please dont forget me, as I will NEVER forget you.
She shoots for jupiters moons tonight.
So I had read this article a while ago, about this guy, who had people submit stories that summed up their lives. The catch to the whole thing, was that the story could only be 6 words long. I am purchasing the book tomorrow. But I found some online, and thought they were worth sharing. Some aren't "stories" as much as statements, that imply a story.Some are funny, some are mournful, some are weird. They all make you think. So here it goes.
1. "oh no, i think i'm lost"
2. "today, I threw her toothbrush away"
3. "Shortest sex manual: In. Out. Repeat."
4. "Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo buffalo buffalo."
5. "For he's a jolly good fellow"
6. "I wonder what this button does..."
7. "Yesterday, went to bed too late."
8. "Bang! Expand...Shrink...the Universe was."
9. "Story is beginning, plot, resolution, conclusion."
10. " You're the nutmeg on my latte."
11. "The flowers aren't to say, "sorry"
12. "He regretted not loving her enough."
13. "He was born, but without life."
14. ''My head machinates like whirling kaleidoscopes."
15. ''Today was tomorrow only yesterday'
16. ''Love found, love lost, start over."
17. '' Eat a hotdog, you stupid man"
18. '' Torn wedding dress drapes casino floor."
19. ''and prozac lived happily ever after."
20. ''Me, them, and this rubber goat."
21. "For sale:baby's shoes, never used."
22. ''Cupid - Fat. Naked. Dangerous. Be Afraid."
23. ''to be or no to be"
24. ''He put his best foot forward."
25. ''I made macaroni and cheese, jealous?
26. ''The sun will still rise tomorrow."
27. ''My future - love life, live fast, play rugby"
28. "fart and burp simultaneously? easy..."[splat]
29. ''born, grew, lived, died, rembered,forgotten."
30."They all lived happily ever after."
1. "oh no, i think i'm lost"
2. "today, I threw her toothbrush away"
3. "Shortest sex manual: In. Out. Repeat."
4. "Buffalo buffalo buffalo, buffalo buffalo buffalo."
5. "For he's a jolly good fellow"
6. "I wonder what this button does..."
7. "Yesterday, went to bed too late."
8. "Bang! Expand...Shrink...the Universe was."
9. "Story is beginning, plot, resolution, conclusion."
10. " You're the nutmeg on my latte."
11. "The flowers aren't to say, "sorry"
12. "He regretted not loving her enough."
13. "He was born, but without life."
14. ''My head machinates like whirling kaleidoscopes."
15. ''Today was tomorrow only yesterday'
16. ''Love found, love lost, start over."
17. '' Eat a hotdog, you stupid man"
18. '' Torn wedding dress drapes casino floor."
19. ''and prozac lived happily ever after."
20. ''Me, them, and this rubber goat."
21. "For sale:baby's shoes, never used."
22. ''Cupid - Fat. Naked. Dangerous. Be Afraid."
23. ''to be or no to be"
24. ''He put his best foot forward."
25. ''I made macaroni and cheese, jealous?
26. ''The sun will still rise tomorrow."
27. ''My future - love life, live fast, play rugby"
28. "fart and burp simultaneously? easy..."[splat]
29. ''born, grew, lived, died, rembered,forgotten."
30."They all lived happily ever after."
Friday, October 10, 2008
This morning I got to school super early. I was planning to sit and study while the jazz band played. Except that I forgot that it was friday, and there was no jazz band. Instead there was a few guys just jamming without a drum player. So after getting frustrated with my shitty math studying, I decided to go play with them. I ended up having so much fun and proving myself to "the boys". All the boys jam, and play and whathaveyou, but I decided that was silly.So we played, and even the teacher was impressed. Class started like 30 minutes later, and we ended up warming up as class playing the blues, with a rhythm section, and each person solo-ing.
I HAD SO MUCH FUN. I AM A GIRL DRUMMER, AND FRANKLY I KICK ASS. ROCK ON.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Old news.
I've realized I've had alot of the same things in my life forever.
I've been at my school for 6 years.
I've had the same hair colour for a little over 1.5 years.
I've had the same friend issues, and never seen the bigger picture to not run into the same problems.
I've had the same brother for 14 years. (some things we can't change. Damn.) JUST KIDDING.
And the poster on the back of my door. My lovely younger brother pointed out that it has almost been there for A DECADE. I am not joking. A DECADE. what a joke.
So its time for new posters, some new adventures, and some new big pictures.
I was complaining about change in a previous post. But some things are needing to change. The world is looking a little more clear, and my head is on straighter for now.
I dont need some things in my life anymore, and I am going to do some fall cleaning. Not on my room. Dont be so silly. My life instead.
I wont give up the big sunglasses though. I think they rock. Or My fancypants dog Nog. He can stay forever. BFF fo lyfe yo.
My buddy.
This is my wicked cool friend. She helps me get through choral classes, weird girls with fangs, awkward cocky boys, and the general awkwardness of highschool.
She is funny, and bubbly, and pretty wicked. Dont try to steal her though. She is my friend.
I think she's fab.
Props to Erin.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Potato Taya/
This is my buddy. My friend, my ho-bag and likely my other half.
She used to live in Utah. But we dont talk about that, because that was a
sad time, when we werent nearly BFFS.She took me to her lake, to sit and chat on a warm day.
She took me to Mcdonalds on vacation, when we "snuck" out with the parentals knowledge.
We order pizza to my front lawn at midnight, so the parentals dont wake up and get disturbed.
We make fun of people, their douchebag boyfriends,and the lives they are living.
We played with waterballoons and they became my children during family reunions.
We go to awkward family reunions, and laugh about silly stuff.
I dont have a crush on her twin, which is probably why we became BFFs.
This is my buddy, my pal, the beast, the best.
I love her. My cousin, slash sister, slash I am just really glad she lives here now.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Response. Aka. the man in dreams
So there's a guy out there. Who doesnt stand a girl up, and doesnt care that her hair's in a ponytail. Who brings her chicken noodle soup when she is sick. He's tall. But not too tall. Tall enough for his chin to rest on my forhead when he embraces me. Not just hugs, not just greetings but embraces.
He has curly dark hair in my dreams. The kind with not to much gel, not too much care, just naturally attractive. And eyes that can stare back at me, and not feel awkward, and feel so at home. They can be blue, or brown. No awkward green. Haha.
He won't have a sculpted body, not overweight either. The kind of guy who is comfortable with himself,and will not feel the need to spend everyday at the gym.
The kind of guy who can hold a conversation with my parents, and know that he is liked.
He will have a smile that tells a story. Not the perfect, i had braces for a zillion years smile, but the kind that has character. That says, I smile and laugh, and want to smile and laugh with you.
He will have muscly forearms from all the practicing on piano. I will put my hand on his arm to say hello, and feel the strength beneath my own hands.
He will love me for me. Not for who I can become but who I am now. He will hopefully love me now, and will still accept who I become as we grow together.
But man, I am not holding my breath. I'm still young. And he's still far away.
He has curly dark hair in my dreams. The kind with not to much gel, not too much care, just naturally attractive. And eyes that can stare back at me, and not feel awkward, and feel so at home. They can be blue, or brown. No awkward green. Haha.
He won't have a sculpted body, not overweight either. The kind of guy who is comfortable with himself,and will not feel the need to spend everyday at the gym.
The kind of guy who can hold a conversation with my parents, and know that he is liked.
He will have a smile that tells a story. Not the perfect, i had braces for a zillion years smile, but the kind that has character. That says, I smile and laugh, and want to smile and laugh with you.
He will have muscly forearms from all the practicing on piano. I will put my hand on his arm to say hello, and feel the strength beneath my own hands.
He will love me for me. Not for who I can become but who I am now. He will hopefully love me now, and will still accept who I become as we grow together.
But man, I am not holding my breath. I'm still young. And he's still far away.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Change..Moving on?
So tonight, choir started again. And I wasn't there.
I feel awkward, and sad and weird. And nothing good.
I don't like the idea of having a zillion kids from my school there.
Choir was my thing, away from school, with all MY friends. And to have to share would have been weird. But not as weird as not being there at all.
I miss everything.
I dont have friends like that at school. I have a few very good friends, but no big sisters or brothers anymore. I am the old one at school, the 'seniors'. Its nice, but I miss the graduates, I miss what was.
School has changed, There is no choir, and this is all super weird.
Change isn't good.
I feel awkward, and sad and weird. And nothing good.
I don't like the idea of having a zillion kids from my school there.
Choir was my thing, away from school, with all MY friends. And to have to share would have been weird. But not as weird as not being there at all.
I miss everything.
I dont have friends like that at school. I have a few very good friends, but no big sisters or brothers anymore. I am the old one at school, the 'seniors'. Its nice, but I miss the graduates, I miss what was.
School has changed, There is no choir, and this is all super weird.
Change isn't good.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Youtube Jerk.
So I was in a pretty bad mood today.
I'm not sure what put me into the mood. I tried to make plans with a couple of different friends and they were all busy.
Then tonight I was listening to music on youtube, because thats the cheap way to have music on your computer, and I came across this pretentious prick who was critiquing my choir, and was saying that....
" There is a difference between moving with emotion and becoming distracting and sticking out from the rest of the choir. If people are doing something that makes the audience notice them as a single person it defeats the entire purpose of a choir."
I was the girl moving my hand to the beat for a song or two. Which clearly offended this person. So I guess I was defeating the purpose of a choir all together for 3 years. Thanks jerk. You made my night.
I'm not sure what put me into the mood. I tried to make plans with a couple of different friends and they were all busy.
Then tonight I was listening to music on youtube, because thats the cheap way to have music on your computer, and I came across this pretentious prick who was critiquing my choir, and was saying that....
" There is a difference between moving with emotion and becoming distracting and sticking out from the rest of the choir. If people are doing something that makes the audience notice them as a single person it defeats the entire purpose of a choir."
I was the girl moving my hand to the beat for a song or two. Which clearly offended this person. So I guess I was defeating the purpose of a choir all together for 3 years. Thanks jerk. You made my night.
Friday, September 12, 2008
My weirdo's.
This is my family. I am learning that over time, friends will fade, or move, or what have you, but My Family will always be there. I have gone through a weird transition this year, but I know they're are always there.I might only get along with Austin REALLY late at night, when neither of us feel like going to bed, but I love the kid. We have eachothers backs. We talk. I might not know everything, but I can talk to him when I want to. We might get on eachothers nerves, but I would give my innards for the guy anyday.
My mom has been on my nerves lately, not letting me go back in choir. But I have realized she does it out of love, and she cares for me alot. I know she just wants what's best, it just might take a magnifine glass to see it through my attitude. She loves us, and I her. I would be lost without her.
And dad, the strong one. The one who keeps us together, and is the support we need. But he's also the one to conjure the most laughs. Especially with his infamous pedestrian scare tactics.
He is weird, likes vampire movies, and fish (which are disguisting) but he's a pretty cool guy too.
I really love my family, our weird quirks, and our love. We laugh, we cry, we mourn, we rejoice. We act like idiots, and have very few dinner manners, but we are an interesting group. I wouldn't trade this group of weirdo's for anything. They are my family, and my friends.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Free time in AGA.
So I am taking a new class in school called Applied Graphic Arts. There is a new person like EVERYDAY, so we are never going to get done this project. Shit.
Anyways, I have finished like 300 days ago, which is special.. so now we wait for everyone else to finish. So I have lots of extra time. Which is ok I guess?
Anyways, you should expect some new blogs, because I have lots of free time.
Anyways, I have finished like 300 days ago, which is special.. so now we wait for everyone else to finish. So I have lots of extra time. Which is ok I guess?
Anyways, you should expect some new blogs, because I have lots of free time.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Mom.
So here it is. The awful truth.
My life is mostly a rollercoaster. I have good things happen. Even great things happen.
And then there are days like today.
Today, I went to go be a good daughter, and cheer my mom on, in something that was clearly something huge for her. She walked today, in the winners walk of hope. Its a 5km walk raising money for ovarian cancer. She met survivors, she met sisters in the fight, and she met families of those who have passed from this silent killer.
I hate seeing her like this. She is sick. She is tired,sore, and hurt. She puts on a smile for everyone. She is so strong- most days. She puts on a fighting face, and its really incredible. Its convincing to most. But I know her. I've lived with her my entire life, I really KNOW her. She cries, silently, when she thinks no one is watching. She takes it so well, coping with everything this world has shoved in her face. She pretends that this disease doesnt scare the shit out of her. So do the rest of us. But I am terrified.
My mom is my hero. She is one of the strongest people I know. She has gone through so much, and is so incredible. She makes me mad, she makes me smile, its all part of growing up. I dont want to grow up without her. I refuse to think that she wont survive this.
Our family has gone through enough.
If there was a God, he would make our lives suck less. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
If karma existed, our lives would be alright. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
I dont know what will make her better. This stuff makes me have less faith in the world.
I love her so much.
My life is mostly a rollercoaster. I have good things happen. Even great things happen.
And then there are days like today.
Today, I went to go be a good daughter, and cheer my mom on, in something that was clearly something huge for her. She walked today, in the winners walk of hope. Its a 5km walk raising money for ovarian cancer. She met survivors, she met sisters in the fight, and she met families of those who have passed from this silent killer.
I hate seeing her like this. She is sick. She is tired,sore, and hurt. She puts on a smile for everyone. She is so strong- most days. She puts on a fighting face, and its really incredible. Its convincing to most. But I know her. I've lived with her my entire life, I really KNOW her. She cries, silently, when she thinks no one is watching. She takes it so well, coping with everything this world has shoved in her face. She pretends that this disease doesnt scare the shit out of her. So do the rest of us. But I am terrified.
My mom is my hero. She is one of the strongest people I know. She has gone through so much, and is so incredible. She makes me mad, she makes me smile, its all part of growing up. I dont want to grow up without her. I refuse to think that she wont survive this.
Our family has gone through enough.
If there was a God, he would make our lives suck less. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
If karma existed, our lives would be alright. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
I dont know what will make her better. This stuff makes me have less faith in the world.
I love her so much.
Forgive me.
Forgive Me
by Missy Higgins
Oh my son look at what I’ve done
But I am learning still
Learning still
Know that I am learning still
And oh my wife you are my life
And I am burning still
Burning still
Know that I am burning for you stil
lAnd all, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home’s anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please forgive me
Oh my God how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And Lord I long to give it back.
And I was on shaky land
Lost and unsure I opened my hand
And she held it like sinking sand
But all, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home’s anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying pleaseAll, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home’s anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please forgive me
Forgive me
by Missy Higgins
Oh my son look at what I’ve done
But I am learning still
Learning still
Know that I am learning still
And oh my wife you are my life
And I am burning still
Burning still
Know that I am burning for you stil
lAnd all, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home’s anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please forgive me
Oh my God how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And Lord I long to give it back.
And I was on shaky land
Lost and unsure I opened my hand
And she held it like sinking sand
But all, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home’s anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying pleaseAll, all, all of my light is for you
And home, home’s anywhere you are too
So take this one fallen man on his knees
Saying please forgive me
Forgive me
Africa
Africa
One year and a bit ago, I was heading to Africa. I haven't found the words to express how this makes me feel. Its a really big mixture of sadness, reflection, and gratefulness.I met a family that changed my life. The Binghams opened their hearts and home to me. I laughed, and shared memories with each of them. Dinner time was spent laughing and making silly jokes about Susan ( my 2nd mother). They took me to school, where I learned more than I can ever express. I learned about the world around me, and how little I really knew about anything other than my own little world. The Binghams were the peole who introduced me to the ocean. They introdued me to a new perception, realizing how small and insignificant I am in the reality of the universe.I went on vacation. It was much more of a journey than I realized at the time. It is something I carry with me, and will tell lengthy stories on demand.I went to school in South Africa. I met some of the people I hope to know the rest of my life. I had talks with friends there, that really pushed me to find myself, to have an opinion, and to really believe in myself. I learned about aparteid and how devistating that time really was. I met teachers who really cared about the world, and about each student. I wore a uniform, that really made my life a hundred times easier. I saw the very wealthy live, and how priveledged these people were. Then I saw the complete opposite.I learned about poverty. A township is full of extreme poverty, sickness, and yet, the most amazing people I have ever met. I worked at this preschool, and I was touched so deeply by the kids I met. I fell in love with the teachers, the school, and the beautiful children. They taught me the language, their songs, their way of life.I met young ones who really just needed someone to love them. These kids have so little, but really they have more power, and joy than I could have dreamed of having. Their smiles, and their dancing, the spirits of these people, spoke to me so much. I was called "Canada Kati" for the longest time, until we taught them about Canada, and that yes, it was somewhere you could go. "Kati is to Canada as Elam is to South Africa." I met a girl who changed my life. Who makes me want to be a better person. I feel so much love for this young one, Elam. I met a man who has more faith in God, and in the good of life than I thought was posible. I learned how little I really knew about myself, and about the God that I knew. I had a fire lit inside me to strive to learn more, and to do better, and be better.I look back on Africa, and the things that happened there that changed my life forever. I miss it almost every. I get bummed sometimes about spending time in Edmonton, where things are so different, and my heart yearns for something more. I am so amazed at everything that happened to me, what a blessing this trip was for me. I just wish I could express how thankful I am to all the people who made this opportunity what it was to me.
One year and a bit ago, I was heading to Africa. I haven't found the words to express how this makes me feel. Its a really big mixture of sadness, reflection, and gratefulness.I met a family that changed my life. The Binghams opened their hearts and home to me. I laughed, and shared memories with each of them. Dinner time was spent laughing and making silly jokes about Susan ( my 2nd mother). They took me to school, where I learned more than I can ever express. I learned about the world around me, and how little I really knew about anything other than my own little world. The Binghams were the peole who introduced me to the ocean. They introdued me to a new perception, realizing how small and insignificant I am in the reality of the universe.I went on vacation. It was much more of a journey than I realized at the time. It is something I carry with me, and will tell lengthy stories on demand.I went to school in South Africa. I met some of the people I hope to know the rest of my life. I had talks with friends there, that really pushed me to find myself, to have an opinion, and to really believe in myself. I learned about aparteid and how devistating that time really was. I met teachers who really cared about the world, and about each student. I wore a uniform, that really made my life a hundred times easier. I saw the very wealthy live, and how priveledged these people were. Then I saw the complete opposite.I learned about poverty. A township is full of extreme poverty, sickness, and yet, the most amazing people I have ever met. I worked at this preschool, and I was touched so deeply by the kids I met. I fell in love with the teachers, the school, and the beautiful children. They taught me the language, their songs, their way of life.I met young ones who really just needed someone to love them. These kids have so little, but really they have more power, and joy than I could have dreamed of having. Their smiles, and their dancing, the spirits of these people, spoke to me so much. I was called "Canada Kati" for the longest time, until we taught them about Canada, and that yes, it was somewhere you could go. "Kati is to Canada as Elam is to South Africa." I met a girl who changed my life. Who makes me want to be a better person. I feel so much love for this young one, Elam. I met a man who has more faith in God, and in the good of life than I thought was posible. I learned how little I really knew about myself, and about the God that I knew. I had a fire lit inside me to strive to learn more, and to do better, and be better.I look back on Africa, and the things that happened there that changed my life forever. I miss it almost every. I get bummed sometimes about spending time in Edmonton, where things are so different, and my heart yearns for something more. I am so amazed at everything that happened to me, what a blessing this trip was for me. I just wish I could express how thankful I am to all the people who made this opportunity what it was to me.
Ricard Nace.
A couple months ago, I had the amazing opportunity to go to Banff. I have been through some weird, and rough things lately, and really needed something new. Not something epic, but a breather, a refresher. I wasnt searching for a magic moment, I didn't wait for some miracle to happen, but I got my moment.We worked with this clinician who I have always respected. I have been looking for something and I just couldn't find it. The words this man spoke to my choir felt like they had been spoken just for me. It felt like he knew what I was feeling, and said exactly something in return. He spoke about a man that once told him that there are 2 ways you can go about life. "Get bitter or get better". I have been choosing the bitter route lately. I've been sad, and hurt. I didnt plan this mood, this outlook, but I feel like it is so far away from me now.Rich spoke, and struck such a chord in me. He said that getting better, isnt always the easiest, and sometimes it takes much longer than we want it to. It sometimes takes hurt, and pain to grow, and to turn hurt into growth is one of the hardest things we can do. But I feel like I can. It took someone to come speak to me, to realize this, but I have the motivation to get "better".I left so emotional that he had said exactly the things I needed to hear, that I could hardly even say thank you. I don't believe much in fate, but I really felt like seeing him, was such an amazing thing.So Rich, thank you for your love, your support, and your inspiring words.I dont even know how to comprehend what happened to me, and how much that weekend has changed me. Thanks for the "WOW" moment of banff.
Him
Blahhhhg.
So I dated this guy, for almost a year, and it ended the last week of march. We got along really well, we could talk, share laughs, and moments, and I really had a good time. Its not until recently that I have seen how 2-faced he is. I fell in love with the man I knew to be the real "him". The one that didnt need to act cocky or try to impress people. That didnt need to make rude comments or try to be the class act, the cool kid.
I have learned alot from him. What I want in a fuure relationship or even just friendships, and alot of what I DONT want. Which makes me sad. I fell in love with my best friend, and when we broke up, I not only lost my best friend, but lost most respect for him aswell. Sometimes it's hard to see what I gained. I know there must be something positive, but I am not seeing much. Grow up, loser. You can't be the class clown- asshole forever.
So I dated this guy, for almost a year, and it ended the last week of march. We got along really well, we could talk, share laughs, and moments, and I really had a good time. Its not until recently that I have seen how 2-faced he is. I fell in love with the man I knew to be the real "him". The one that didnt need to act cocky or try to impress people. That didnt need to make rude comments or try to be the class act, the cool kid.
I have learned alot from him. What I want in a fuure relationship or even just friendships, and alot of what I DONT want. Which makes me sad. I fell in love with my best friend, and when we broke up, I not only lost my best friend, but lost most respect for him aswell. Sometimes it's hard to see what I gained. I know there must be something positive, but I am not seeing much. Grow up, loser. You can't be the class clown- asshole forever.
New Feelings.
Its a new feeling, one which I have not been familiar with for a long time.
Not just feeling sad, but feeling empty. Its hard to explain.
When I feel like I have not got control of my depression, empty is the word I would use to describe how I feel. Like something is missing, and you have no idea what it is, when it went missing, or if it's going to come back.
I can laugh, and make jokes and try to pretend like this hole isnt there, but it is. When I am not busy and pretending to be someone different it sets in. I feel very sad.
Sad, and lonely. Its hard to tell someone that you feel lonely, when in reality, I am surrounded by hundreds of people daily. I have a family who loves me, and friends who love me too, but I feel lonely.
I dont know how to feel better, and it scares me to death to think that I would have to tell someone who cares about me, that I am lonely.
"thanks for your friendship, and love, but you aren't good enough... Im still lonely".
What a crappy person I would be. And I think I would feel worse after a discussion of my feelings.
So I tell you, the blogging world. Who likely wont be offended by my feelings because you dont know me anyways. I am sad, I am lonely, and I want to go "home" even though home is apparently right here.
Not just feeling sad, but feeling empty. Its hard to explain.
When I feel like I have not got control of my depression, empty is the word I would use to describe how I feel. Like something is missing, and you have no idea what it is, when it went missing, or if it's going to come back.
I can laugh, and make jokes and try to pretend like this hole isnt there, but it is. When I am not busy and pretending to be someone different it sets in. I feel very sad.
Sad, and lonely. Its hard to tell someone that you feel lonely, when in reality, I am surrounded by hundreds of people daily. I have a family who loves me, and friends who love me too, but I feel lonely.
I dont know how to feel better, and it scares me to death to think that I would have to tell someone who cares about me, that I am lonely.
"thanks for your friendship, and love, but you aren't good enough... Im still lonely".
What a crappy person I would be. And I think I would feel worse after a discussion of my feelings.
So I tell you, the blogging world. Who likely wont be offended by my feelings because you dont know me anyways. I am sad, I am lonely, and I want to go "home" even though home is apparently right here.
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