Mom.

So here it is. The awful truth.

My life is mostly a rollercoaster. I have good things happen. Even great things happen.
And then there are days like today.
Today, I went to go be a good daughter, and cheer my mom on, in something that was clearly something huge for her. She walked today, in the winners walk of hope. Its a 5km walk raising money for ovarian cancer. She met survivors, she met sisters in the fight, and she met families of those who have passed from this silent killer.

I hate seeing her like this. She is sick. She is tired,sore, and hurt. She puts on a smile for everyone. She is so strong- most days. She puts on a fighting face, and its really incredible. Its convincing to most. But I know her. I've lived with her my entire life, I really KNOW her. She cries, silently, when she thinks no one is watching. She takes it so well, coping with everything this world has shoved in her face. She pretends that this disease doesnt scare the shit out of her. So do the rest of us. But I am terrified.

My mom is my hero. She is one of the strongest people I know. She has gone through so much, and is so incredible. She makes me mad, she makes me smile, its all part of growing up. I dont want to grow up without her. I refuse to think that she wont survive this.
Our family has gone through enough.
If there was a God, he would make our lives suck less. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
If karma existed, our lives would be alright. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE.
I dont know what will make her better. This stuff makes me have less faith in the world.
I love her so much.