Its a new feeling, one which I have not been familiar with for a long time.
Not just feeling sad, but feeling empty. Its hard to explain.
When I feel like I have not got control of my depression, empty is the word I would use to describe how I feel. Like something is missing, and you have no idea what it is, when it went missing, or if it's going to come back.
I can laugh, and make jokes and try to pretend like this hole isnt there, but it is. When I am not busy and pretending to be someone different it sets in. I feel very sad.
Sad, and lonely. Its hard to tell someone that you feel lonely, when in reality, I am surrounded by hundreds of people daily. I have a family who loves me, and friends who love me too, but I feel lonely.
I dont know how to feel better, and it scares me to death to think that I would have to tell someone who cares about me, that I am lonely.
"thanks for your friendship, and love, but you aren't good enough... Im still lonely".
What a crappy person I would be. And I think I would feel worse after a discussion of my feelings.
So I tell you, the blogging world. Who likely wont be offended by my feelings because you dont know me anyways. I am sad, I am lonely, and I want to go "home" even though home is apparently right here.
About Me
- katibug
- I am Katelyn. Or kati. Or whatever you feel like calling me. I like to chew pen lids, and visit Ikea. I go to school for my friends, for my classes, and then to go home and nap. Its truly and art form. I have a wall,a bubble, or whatever you want to call it. The thing I have to keep people out. I have people I let in, but takes a while. People that want to wait long enough, and put enough effort in, I let them in. I'm loud, I laugh but I like the quite solitude sometimes. I like your mom. Your grandmother's prettu wicked too.
2 comments:
Not that you need my advice, I'll write to you anyway. I think your friends and your family will understand. Well, thats untrue. They may not understand, but they won't be offended. I think many people feel empty. Its what makes people do crazy things, like fly to europe to busk underneath an old statue of a dead poet, or lock yourself in a cabin, away from everybody.
Everybody, I think, goes through the "finding yourself" age. So, your not abnormal. Or everybody else is as abnormal as you.
I like your reply, needing advice or not. I will promise not to go find myself in europe for a year, atleast without some facebook connection.
Although, living in a cave somewhere would be quite interesting I think.
Modern Day cave men, are quite abnormal.
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